Although 2011 was a very hard year, there have been amazing aspects and moments too and I have to write them down because I don't want to forget them, thinking that 2011 was all bad. I'm sure in the future, when I think of 2011, I will have anxiety and all sorts of negative feelings in the pit of my stomach so I want to be able to remember the awesome things to conjure all the negativity - Expecto Patronum.
So here is my list, in no particular order, except how they come to me as I write:
My parents living close by again
Although the whole process of finding a new place to live and moving was extremely hard and painful considering financial reasons and temperaments, they finally found a great place 2km away from us. So we can walk or bike to see them and they can drop by anytime they want or pick up the kids, etc. We have lived far away from each other for the last 9 years when we always used to be right next to each other so this is a wonderful blessing. I love being able to jump in the car and go see my mom by myself at 9pm if I want to, or being able to be there for them really quickly if need be.
Media attention for Viva
2011 started with an interview on CBC Radio but there were also newspaper & blog articles written about us and the year ended with me making the list of Most Interesting Vegetarian Women of 2011. Although I don't personally care too much for that last one, it's funny how much it means to my friends and family (?!). Don't understand that.
Cupcake Recognition
Baking cupcakes has brought me a lot of physical pain (tendinitis of all sorts) but also a lot of emotional satisfaction. Seeing people fall head over heels for them and seeing lots of non-vegans enjoy them has been huge. From gluten-free people to non-vegans to cupcakes connaisseurs, the things people tell me reaffirm me in my belief that decadent vegan food is one powerful tool in opening people minds. Although I really appreciate repeated comments like "They are better than Babycakes' in New York", or "it's the best cupcake I have ever tried", there is one comment that sticks with me and brought a tear to my eye: "They are better than my grandma's cupcakes". I believe that our grandma's cooking is impossible to beat, personally, but that comment really hit home with me because I KNOW that until "vegan" health activists really understand that food is not a nutrient-business, it's a "head & heart connection-business", they will not go anywhere with the "veganism" for health reasons approach. That man told me that my cupcakes free of animal exploitation brought him back to when he was a child, with his grandma & her love for him. A vegan cupcake was equally good, maybe better in his eyes, than the ones from his childhood memories. Which means he can't ever be closed-minded about vegan food again. That rocks beyond belief. The fact that non-vegans come in to have a cupcake, are amazed, and then come back to try something else or try something vegan from the shelves, is HUGE. Love that (and I was right :p)
Tofu and Végé-Pâté addictions
By the same token, seeing several people addicted to and raving about my Tofu Spread and Végé Pâté sandwiches is quite the kick. But I would never have imagined that.
More Cupcakes
I don't want to forget to mention that I loved baking cupcakes or whole cakes for Press Conferences, Anniversaries, Christmas Parties and a Movie Set (Liverpool) in 2011 and I took each of these opportunities like a blessing and huge honor. And some of these were of course brought on by my amazing friends.
Amazing New Friends
Like puzzles pieces falling into place or recognizing each other from another time. It feels very good and soothes my heart.
School
Carl invited our eldest son to attend his Ethics class at Dawson College during Spring of 2011 and I was amazed that Philippe was open-minded enough and self-assured enough to agree. It was a good experience for him, familiarizing himself with the grounds (he was very impressed) and the context of College. The course itself didn't spike his interest enough to pursue but it definitely helped him to see that taking a course in something related to his interest was feasible. A month later, wanting him to make connections in his field of interest as we could see it was a need for him, we suggested he take a course at the Société des Arts Technologiques where they were offering a Blender course. We knew that the course offered was below his level but we thought it was a good opportunity to get him to meet people in the field. His teachers were amazing in recognizing that Philippe already knew and applied the material but he was able to help and also learn quicker ways of doing things. Being & sharing with people of similar interest and goals and also in physical environment of a Technology school brought on a lot of questioning about his overall goals but gave birth to a new attitude that is serving him a lot better and launching him further on his creative path. And something else just as wonderful came out of it too: about a month ago, he was approached by someone from the SAT, referred by one of his teachers, to become part of a team that is working on an Augmented Reality project for the City of Montreal. It has prompted Philippe to step outside of his comfort zone a little and bet on himself. He doesn't know how much he will be able to accomplish as he has not worked with AR so far but because he is willing to learn and try new things, I am sure it will lead to something amazing for him. Which leads me to:
My beautiful and wonderfully amazing sons
To see them express their talents and interests and grow as much with these ones as with new talents and interests, well, there are no words to describe how much joy that brings me, how proud I am of them and how deeply grateful I am to be with such wonderful people everyday. My sons are my teachers - I see them strive to be better persons and I cannot imagine making anything else, or anybody else come first in my life. In 2011, I have seen each one of them grow so much (one of them literally at now 6 feet!) and one of the greatest thing about our little family business, is to see them interacting with people and developing friendships and learning from lots of different people.
In 2011, E has taken his drawing to another level, started learning some Japanese (which lead to geography) with his brother S, read at least 7 thick novels, got into science fiction and continued writing and illustrating his stories. Like I said, S has the same interest in Japanese and continued working on his book which is funny and intelligent and poetic and amazing in every way. I am flabbergasted at his talent and perseverance. Also into science fiction with Doctor Who episodes since Autumn 2011, he is also more open-minded about cars and computer skills through his incredible friendship with his older brother. He has developed a good deal of organisational skills via his part-time job at the store. We think that P made some admirers at the store - although he is quite shy, he works on this and it makes me so very proud as I know that shyness can be crippling. I so don't want him to be like me in this respect. I spoke about him already but I want to add that through the interests of his brothers, he has started learning a little Japanese and it was him who developed the Doctor Who craze in the family. His knowledge of computers, graphic design, general technology and also mechanical knowledge about cars (their design too) is really impressive. The last year was intense for him, going through highs and lows but he grew a lot through it and is in a better place for it. His eyes have regained that beautiful sparkle, thank goodness.
All three are of course still huge fans of Nintendo (Zelda, Rune Factory, Mario, Sonic, Professor Layton, etc) but 2011 brought an interest for the Playstation game console with such games as Portal, Gran Turismo and Uncharted.
No word is strong or big enough to say how much I am grateful for their security and protection in 2011 and forever. It was a hard year for each and everyone of them, a total change of life. I hope they can read this and see all the good that has come even though it was hard and difficult at times and the stress was intense. I really hope they will see even more positives things than this and will tell me about them (k please?)
No word is strong or big enough to say how much I am grateful for their security and protection in 2011 and forever. It was a hard year for each and everyone of them, a total change of life. I hope they can read this and see all the good that has come even though it was hard and difficult at times and the stress was intense. I really hope they will see even more positives things than this and will tell me about them (k please?)
I love you infinitely for 100 trillions Googleplex infinity (plus 1).
The Man of my Life
2011 = 20 years. We made it! It was never in question that we wouldn't except when it was so damn hard this year that we were scared we would not pull through. I learned that some aspects we have been dealing with this year have been there all along, but as we were not together all the time over the last 19 years, and not working together every minute of every day, they were not so much of an issue. But what is clear is that we really love each other and it's better to fight sometimes because, as we are truly committed to each other as spouses, lovers and best friends, we will learn and grow and move to a higher place, together. Still, I wish 2011 had been easier on us.
The Man of my Life
2011 = 20 years. We made it! It was never in question that we wouldn't except when it was so damn hard this year that we were scared we would not pull through. I learned that some aspects we have been dealing with this year have been there all along, but as we were not together all the time over the last 19 years, and not working together every minute of every day, they were not so much of an issue. But what is clear is that we really love each other and it's better to fight sometimes because, as we are truly committed to each other as spouses, lovers and best friends, we will learn and grow and move to a higher place, together. Still, I wish 2011 had been easier on us.
Focusing on the positive, I will say that you have impressed me so many times by your thoughtfulness, your dedication, your incredible patience with me, with your support and hard work... You have worked so hard, in all sorts of ways and on all sorts of things. I am immensely grateful that we are together each day, like we always wanted, although we have still work to do before it can be exactly how we pictured it, with enough time to enjoy life and not work so much. But we are doing it together. I love you SO MUCH! Thank you my beautiful, wonderful Greg.
School - Part 2
Although the thought of it was insanely stressful to me, and brought on a lot of anger, actually doing it is not so bad. In the course of my work at the store, I am under the obligation to obtain a Certificate in Gestion en Hygiène et Salubrité alimentaire. And so I started a course given by L'Institut de Tourisme et d'Hôtellerie du Québec. The course itself is interesting enough although I have to learn things that I will NEVER use because I am vegan and will not cook animals. So I have to learn how to cook and store and freeze and reheat animal foods because I make végé-pâté sandwiches and we have fridges and freezers at the store. New law since 2009, every store owner and depanneur who has a fridge, even if only a Pepsi fridge, has to have this certificate to obtain a license of operation in Montreal. But why is it a good thing that I have to go through this? Well apart from the Final Exam that stresses me out (just writing about it clutches my stomach and I could puke), our kitchen is and will be conform and it will help me move towards the goal I have in mind for our business. It also has made me aware that I could continue my studies, which I have NEVER seriously though about until a few months ago. But that leads me to another Good Moment of 2011:
Life Changing Book
Before I talk about the book that changed things for me, I have to continue talking about my new found interest in pursuing my education. At the start of 2011, I realized that my Psychology studies were coming back to me. The end of a friendship, a very sad and hard experience for me which I still deal with, was bringing back memories of what I had learned about marital relationships, more precisely about dependent-codependent relationships and because I had noticed things that I had not pinpointed before in a conscious manner, I was questioning if I was remembering my studies well. So I started reading about psychology/sexology and noticed that I still had a good grasp of some of it.
School - Part 2
Although the thought of it was insanely stressful to me, and brought on a lot of anger, actually doing it is not so bad. In the course of my work at the store, I am under the obligation to obtain a Certificate in Gestion en Hygiène et Salubrité alimentaire. And so I started a course given by L'Institut de Tourisme et d'Hôtellerie du Québec. The course itself is interesting enough although I have to learn things that I will NEVER use because I am vegan and will not cook animals. So I have to learn how to cook and store and freeze and reheat animal foods because I make végé-pâté sandwiches and we have fridges and freezers at the store. New law since 2009, every store owner and depanneur who has a fridge, even if only a Pepsi fridge, has to have this certificate to obtain a license of operation in Montreal. But why is it a good thing that I have to go through this? Well apart from the Final Exam that stresses me out (just writing about it clutches my stomach and I could puke), our kitchen is and will be conform and it will help me move towards the goal I have in mind for our business. It also has made me aware that I could continue my studies, which I have NEVER seriously though about until a few months ago. But that leads me to another Good Moment of 2011:
Life Changing Book
Before I talk about the book that changed things for me, I have to continue talking about my new found interest in pursuing my education. At the start of 2011, I realized that my Psychology studies were coming back to me. The end of a friendship, a very sad and hard experience for me which I still deal with, was bringing back memories of what I had learned about marital relationships, more precisely about dependent-codependent relationships and because I had noticed things that I had not pinpointed before in a conscious manner, I was questioning if I was remembering my studies well. So I started reading about psychology/sexology and noticed that I still had a good grasp of some of it.
What started me on the path of revisiting dependent/codependent relationship dilemmas is a dream I had about my friends. Her husband and her were in the middle of a black and murky lake and were using each other as a lifesaver. Nothing else around but this problem. My friend would push on her husband's head, pushing him underwater, so she could have something to rest on and stay above water, then he would emerge and do the same thing to her. They were in a never ending cycle of drowning the other one to stay alive. In any case, that led me to look more into dependent/codependent relationships and understand several things, two of them being that when someone is in this type of relationship, it's impossible for them to have a healthy relationship with anyone so it was a good thing for me to get out of that atmosphere and two, yes, I still do find psychology damn interesting.
But that was not enough to have me think about pursuing my studies because although I find it very interesting, I need more.
Several months later, my friend L lent me a book called "Mon Corps est un champ de bataille". This book changed my life. It changed me. Although it didn't do all the work by itself because I had started it myself in 2009, it led me, through further research, to a world that I didn't know existed , which is a movement battling Body Image issues and to another book which is changing my life: Health at Every Size. And I found out that I was not alone and that, again, nothing is in French, and everybody, even in the vegan movement, is making things worse for women, men and children everywhere. So I feel really empowered by this and it is changing how I see the world, myself, and myself in this fucked up world. And because I am in total awe of the amazing women working to make things rights by awakening people, I envy them and see things that I can do. I don't have a lot of free time but I find minutes here and there to translate texts and information and I will see where this leads me. So far, this work started in 2011, will extend into 2012 and maybe beyond. We'll see if the fire will burn out but I can see myself pursuing my education to be able to help with this, one on one.
Redefining Homeschooling & Unschooling and what it means to me
I realized more deeply in 2011 than any other year before, that there is no chance of making a better world for our children through home education if we don't make a better life for the adults who are taking care of these children. If our families are the first community we live in and the major learning environment, well you better make damn sure that you are a well adjusted adult, ideally before you have children. And most of us are not. That is not to say that if as an adult we are struggling with adult issues, we should not homeschool. I think that homeschooling and unschooling are amazing. But what I would like to see is homeschoolers and unschoolers not think that they are better than everyone else. Because we are not. And if you really think that you are better, chances are that you are deep-deep-deep in denial. I have seen moms trying to sell liberty, deprive others of their liberty through their judgments and close-mindedness, give so much liberty to their children that other children and adults in their presence are denied their liberty. I have a lot to say about this but it is not the time. What I do want to say now though is that I realize that as adults, we are f*cked up, so totally f*cked up and brainwashed into thinking the way we do, most of the time, and that it is high-f*ckng-time we stopped blaming our own parents, our school education and society for what we choose to be and do everyday. Most of us are only replacing one close-minded idea by another, and not working on the close-mindedness at the effin' base.
What I realized is that I don't want to help parents choose home-education for their children. I want to help parents to be happy with themselves so they will choose to home-educate, and therefore will do it from a place of peace and happiness, not from a place that is working AGAINST society, or their own education, or their parents. That is what true education should start with: Heal your wounds, love your scars, learn from everything, with love, even if some of it is sad for you. Do it quickly and with passionate urgency, or your children will carry your scars and plant the same seeds.
Sad, but true. This is what I want to do, and someday help with, in all sorts of ways.
Thank you, 2011.
Blessed Be 2012.
But that was not enough to have me think about pursuing my studies because although I find it very interesting, I need more.
Several months later, my friend L lent me a book called "Mon Corps est un champ de bataille". This book changed my life. It changed me. Although it didn't do all the work by itself because I had started it myself in 2009, it led me, through further research, to a world that I didn't know existed , which is a movement battling Body Image issues and to another book which is changing my life: Health at Every Size. And I found out that I was not alone and that, again, nothing is in French, and everybody, even in the vegan movement, is making things worse for women, men and children everywhere. So I feel really empowered by this and it is changing how I see the world, myself, and myself in this fucked up world. And because I am in total awe of the amazing women working to make things rights by awakening people, I envy them and see things that I can do. I don't have a lot of free time but I find minutes here and there to translate texts and information and I will see where this leads me. So far, this work started in 2011, will extend into 2012 and maybe beyond. We'll see if the fire will burn out but I can see myself pursuing my education to be able to help with this, one on one.
Redefining Homeschooling & Unschooling and what it means to me
I realized more deeply in 2011 than any other year before, that there is no chance of making a better world for our children through home education if we don't make a better life for the adults who are taking care of these children. If our families are the first community we live in and the major learning environment, well you better make damn sure that you are a well adjusted adult, ideally before you have children. And most of us are not. That is not to say that if as an adult we are struggling with adult issues, we should not homeschool. I think that homeschooling and unschooling are amazing. But what I would like to see is homeschoolers and unschoolers not think that they are better than everyone else. Because we are not. And if you really think that you are better, chances are that you are deep-deep-deep in denial. I have seen moms trying to sell liberty, deprive others of their liberty through their judgments and close-mindedness, give so much liberty to their children that other children and adults in their presence are denied their liberty. I have a lot to say about this but it is not the time. What I do want to say now though is that I realize that as adults, we are f*cked up, so totally f*cked up and brainwashed into thinking the way we do, most of the time, and that it is high-f*ckng-time we stopped blaming our own parents, our school education and society for what we choose to be and do everyday. Most of us are only replacing one close-minded idea by another, and not working on the close-mindedness at the effin' base.
What I realized is that I don't want to help parents choose home-education for their children. I want to help parents to be happy with themselves so they will choose to home-educate, and therefore will do it from a place of peace and happiness, not from a place that is working AGAINST society, or their own education, or their parents. That is what true education should start with: Heal your wounds, love your scars, learn from everything, with love, even if some of it is sad for you. Do it quickly and with passionate urgency, or your children will carry your scars and plant the same seeds.
Sad, but true. This is what I want to do, and someday help with, in all sorts of ways.
Thank you, 2011.
Blessed Be 2012.
0 comments:
Enregistrer un commentaire